Yoga, Fatphobia and Disordered Eating - Part 1
Some years ago, I followed a lot of people who are famous in Ashtanga Vinyasa circles on social media because that was my main yoga āsana practice. One of the people that I followed frequently posted helpful hints about how to live according to that system and one day, he posted “If you want to fly, you need to eat like a bird.” He was referring to lifting up and jumping back or forward - a topic much discussed among Ashtangis.
For me, this was one of several defining moments in my relationship to Ashtanga because there was no way to rationalise the danger of this remark. With one comment, he effectively dismissed the reality of being in woman’s body where lifting up will never be as easy for us as it is for men. For many of us, we can “eat like a bird” all we want (or don’t want!) and still not be able to lift up. Not to mention, it doesn’t get any easier to build the strength required for this particular feat when we are weakened from not eating enough! More importantly, he was speaking to those engaged in a particular practice that specifically attracts people with restrictive eating disorders. Ashtanga provides the perfect combination of strict rules, daily repetition and physical self-punishment that is so, so appealing to us. Ask me how I know….as they say.
This celebrity yoga teacher is someone who presents himself publicly as having recovered from drug addiction and touts Ashtanga Vinyasa as part of his recovery. I was stunned that he would post such a thing. I even commented on the post, asking him to reflect on the effect of his words for those with eating disorders (no answer from him, of course). In that funny way, I am grateful to him for posting such a remark because it forced me to reckon with the spoken and unspoken attitudes of fatphobia in Ashtanga Vinyasa particularly and in Yoga (such as it is taught in North America) in general. Even in my beloved yoga therapy and Ayurveda are touched by these harmful attitudes.
There is so much to say on this topic: it is hard to sort it all out, in fact. So l am going to make a series of posts and hope that they make sense whether taken as a whole or in pieces.
Want to add that this topic is very alive for me as someone who continues to struggle with disordered eating. It has been part of my life for over 30 years and counting. Much to my surprise, I found myself returning to its sharp embrace, seeking refuge in its unforgiving routines, thoughts, denials and scrutiny, after a very sad break-up about six months ago. I thought that my disordered eating patterns were behind me after years of yoga, Ayurveda and Zen practice but apparently not. Despite all those years of practice, when other sources of comfort and nourishment seemed to disappear, my old frenemy - starvation - was there to pick up the pieces. So exhilarating and so horrible.
The benefit of all those years of practice is that I can witness my thoughts and behaviours with a clarity that I didn’t have when they were at their peak strength in my 20s. Seeing their roots and extending compassion to the child who watered them makes the experience quite different from previous times. So, stay tuned if this topic resonates for you too.
Meanwhile, here is a fascinating article that stirred up a lot of feelings and memories:
Anne Helen Peterson on Millennial Vernacular of Fatphobia
Please be invited to comment if this topic is alive for you too! I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Here is a short practice that I made for the Yoga for Eating Disorders Facebook page. They share a free practice every Friday and I recently volunteered to be one of the instructors who creates them. I am not on FB so I can’t link you to their page but if that interests you, a quick search will bring you there. Meanwhile, here is my offering:
Would you like to listen to this post? Atha Yoga blog posts are now available as a podcast! Check it out here.
